Kill!!! Kill!!! Die!! Die!!

There are many ways to die, but do you know how YOU are going to die, for sure? Death is not easily excepted by all, but if you know how it will come to you, then it will be more easily understood. As I laid in bed trying to fall asleep last night, I began again to think about death. be like being asleep. You are unconscious, you go to bed as it is dark, you wake up and it's 8 hours later, it's bright outside and you don't know what has happened when you were asleep. You were absent from the world itself, the world as experienced by you, your life. You see, I've also wondered about life, and how this person is me, experiencing my life. It is me who is sitting here, It is me who has seen things through my eyes, who has formed opinions through interaction with the world.

It makes me shiver sometimes.

Lately this somewhat depressing thought has also given me a spirit to life, if not just to get out of bed in the morning. I wondered about my life so far, how I've been wasting my life lately (that's probably due to depression, mostly), how I am planning to waste my life waking up every morning to go and get educated, and later to make money to end up being dead anyway.

To put it in words, I guess I sometimes wish my life were just a TV show and I get to watch it as exciting things happen but it's not me that has to do anything. And that maybe I can do other things when I'm bored with that TV show. Applying that to the real life means I should just do things that I can enjoy, things that are significant. But what is the use? I am still going to die anyway. Maybe I can go and see the world, but how would that be significant when I am dead and my life no longer exist?

"How's that going to do me any good?". I am too selfish.