Very nice devorce letter

Dear Husband,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving
you forever.

I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have
nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been
hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job
today and that was the last straw..

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I
had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and
even wore a brand new pair of silk panties. You ate in
two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching
all of your shows..

You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want
sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me
anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-wife

P.S. Don't try to find me... Your BROTHER and I are moving
away to Spain together! Have a great life!

******************

Dear EX-wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true that you and I have been married for seven
years, although a good woman is a far cry from what
you've been. I watch my shows so much because they drown
out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that
doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the
first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a
boy'! Since my mother raised me not to say anything if
you can't say something nice, don't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have
gotten me confused with my brother, because I stopped
eating meat seven years ago.

About those new silk panties: I turned away from you
because the ’49.99 price tag was still on them, and I
prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had
just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we
could work it out. So when I hit the lottery for ten
million pounds, I quit my job and bought us two tickets
to Jamaica .

But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you
won't get a penny from me. So take care.

Signed,
Your EX-husband, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my
brother Carl was born Caroline. I hope that's not a
problem.