THE COCOON ™: ::Monolog Part ll::I’m pretending I don’t like you::
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09 October 2011

::Monolog Part ll::I’m pretending I don’t like you::


Right now I’m wondering if you’re reading this and wondering if it’s you, because if you are then maybe you like me like that too, or maybe you just see right through me and my façade isn’t as perfectly curated for emotion as I thought it was. You know we have fun; I see how you laugh when I tell jokes. Sometimes it makes me think that you like me like that too, but it’s not hard to convince myself of my former opinion — that of course you don’t like me like that. So I’m going to keep pretending I don’t like you like that (maybe forever) because I’m terrified that you don’t like me like that in return.

What you don’t know is that sometimes I can sleep at night because I’m thinking about you. I’ll smile about something you said and concoct scenarios in which you’re madly in love with me and we’re vacationing in some exotic location, drinking out of coconuts. What you don’t know is that when other guys, great guys, make passes at me I reject them because I know it’s unfair to give them my kisses when really it’s you I’m picturing kissing me back. What you don’t know is that every time my phone lights up with a text from you, I feel as giddy as a school girl and I tell all my friends, even if it’s as simple a text as, “How you doing?”
And you’re never going to know any of this (do you think that’s poignant or pathetic?) because I can’t stand the thought of you rejecting me. I would prefer to watch you hand in hand with a thousand man that aren’t me than to hear that we will never be together.

I’m going to keep pretending that I don’t like you like that because as long as I am, I can pretend that maybe one day you will like me like that too. Because in this big city, sometimes I feel scared and alone, and while I’m pretending I don’t like you like that, I know for certain that you will always be there for me when I need you, and I’m scared that if you knew how I really felt, you wouldn’t be there for me at all


FootNote ~ Tak abis-abis monolog, macam aku selalu sangat bermonolog. Dah lama tinggalkan bidang teater

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DON'T LET THE NOISE OF OTHER OPINIONS DROWN OUT YOUR OWN INNER VOICE AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, HAVE THE COURAGE TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND INTUITION ™

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